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A hard goodbye - April 15th, 2019

While i'm feeling oke from the anxiety, 2019 is really a year that i hope to be a great year for me. But it only lasts 3 month before i had to let go my father figure Uncle, my dearest Uncle who always been there for me. I feel numb, shocked and sad, trying hard to control my emotion, trying hard to be strong. i kept saying be tough, be tough, be tough but to be honest i can't do it. The feeling mixed with the memories with him playing on my mind and it kept repeating itself and i still can't believe he's gone, passed away.

I was on my way to meet my friend after visited him in hospital. But then i've got telephone from nurse in hospital that my Uncle condition going drop. I straight go back to hospital. My sister, my family all telling me to let him go, and after waited and hesitate finally i whispered to him " Pak, if you want to go, though it is hard for me, go in peace Pak. Sorry if i've had made a lot of mistakes that makes you angry and dissapointed. Thank you for everything, i love you". And i kissed him and caress him softly for one last time. I stayed beside him until he took his last breath.

A Father
An Uncle
A Protector
A Guardian
A Hero

He's not a type of person who show his love and affection. He is stiff, stubborn and headstrong kinda person outside, but he is very soft, loving and tender inside and a bit of romantic kinda guy. He shows his love with action not words like they said "Action speak louder than words". That brought me to year 1988 when i secretly listening to Whitney Houston's one moment in time and act playing piano with cardboard in the living room. I am sure there is nobody watching while i'm singing and pretending playing piano with the cardboard. But without me knowing, he watched me play and later in that afternoon he took me and bought me a keyboard. I was very happy and without me knowing anything i can play it and play the chinese song that requested by my late Grandpa. It's only one example of millions love and affection he gave to me and family.

It is a hard goodbye, may you rest in love Pak. You will always hold a special place in my heart and i will keep our memories safely in my heart.

I love you 3000






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